Never End

There's a lot of feelings to take into consideration though.
There's a lot of anxiety, and a large part of me that just wishes to avoid it all.
It's a never ending cycle.

I haven't properly rejected someone who asked me out yet. A friend I had growing up that grew distant and then became okay friends again. And I feel really bad for not doing so. But he hasn't been bothering me with it so I don't know. I don't want to hurt him by not giving him a proper reply. He has the guts to ask someone out and that's commendable but I don't feel revived being around him...

I mean, I was talking to people yesterday and debating whether I should confess or not....
And I'm talking to someone again about it...

And I got someone who says she'll throw him to Pluto if he hurts me.
And my brother's like... he's not dating you without my approval too.... ask him to play league with me one day so I can reassure he's fine.

The scary part of confessing is just ruining what has been built already, if nothing has been built... then it'd be easy but pointless. I mean... it'd be the first time I have feelings that would either make my day or crash the day. I could start tearing up over it randomly at night... and have some dreams (they are really innocent dreams... I wonder sometimes what the hell am I dreaming cause' it's so innocent...a simple gesture towards me makes me elated I guess)... And if you want to end those feelings, you have to confess and somehow convey those feelings and see past a future past it.

But I don't want to cry over it. I want to be happy I said it. So I'll wait for a time where I'm ready and could be happy regardless of the answer.