Life is Fragile

In the midst of recent tragedies, it makes one realize how fragile life really is.

My friend started asking again about my mental well being, being that I am a INFP—introverted feeling—it is really difficult to explain my feelings. A couple of thoughts jumbled into my head at once. But it all had to do with a realization that “you only live once”is really a thing. Nothing really came out, but I think I have to write down my feelings a bit before I can say I’m done for the day.

Every time news of another’s death appeared in my inbox, I am frightened to know how it came to be. I call my mom and tell her, and she’s like “so what?”

Her nonchalant response may have been due to many years in the medical industry, but I think those deaths subconsciously affected me.

A little perspective on what I’m about to say: I’ve been arguing with my parents over commuting to and from college.

I’m slowly becoming afraid of the monster I’ve become. Depression was never real to me until I entered college and really lost a lot of my self-confidence. There’s a lot of really amazing people here, and here I am, undecided, confused, and not particularly enthusiastic or determined because I don’t see a clear goal. Because of that, I felt alone, that people were only around me for the sake of being nice. There’s a also a lot of pressure that comes with attending college. I am terrified that commuting for two hours thirty minutes will make that pressure and demonic thoughts worse.

I don’t know how much my parents can resonate with those feelings.

On the other hand, the small but gentle pros to commuting is that I get to have more family time. People that see my relationship with my father would know that it was trusting and warm. Recently, he has developed heart issues. I am not sure of the specifics but it terrifies me as well. When will I lose him? My parents are my allies— it hurts to argue over nontrivial matters that would affect the whole family. I don’t like it. It puts pressure on everyone in the family. I do want to spend more time with my family, but can I risk my grades for it? Probably not. 

But is spending time with someone like your parents important?

Yes, I argue it is important when there’s so much of a tragedic atmosphere that musters despite everyone trying to push it away for upcoming midterms. There are very few who can compare to your parents, and I can tell you, nobody can compare to my parents. Will I regret not spending time with my family? Definitely.

Definitely. Definitely. Definitely.

But should I risk it for the long run? Life is fragile and short, but should I be living for the good memories I save or the future I’ve been working for?

I hope this post gives people something to think about and remind you not to take things for granted as life is shorter than you think.