Unsensed Clairvoyance

I’ve been uncomfortable to talk about something: How my first love changed me after I f---ed up and decided I should probably stop.  (♡´艸`) I think it's about time I write out my true feelings about it. After all, it's been four years! So how did it end? It... never really did start? I never acted on the feeling. Let’s just say, I never said anything despite the obviousness that I was crazy for someone because I believe fate will work in mysterious ways if it’s meant to be. That being said: opportunities has to be chased in order for the world to do its thing. Last Friday, I spotted my first real crush because I crashed a meet. I crashed it for multiple different purposes. One of them was secretly to see how much my feelings has evolved since high school. Am I truly over him? I liked to believe it started out innocent and somewhat cute puppy love but then when it became infatuation, it turned sour. When I liked him, many people don’t get the reasons I had in my...

I turned 20 years old recently. It's my second decade of life, and I am in that phase where I'm not a teenager, but not yet a full adult. I better change for the better before I become a full fledged adult on paper. That being said, it’s time for self-reflection and resolution. I've been not happy with what I've been doing. I've been having mini-breakdowns, sleep anxiety, and lethargic. Why is this? I suspect it's because I'm worried about the future. Whether I'd be happy in the future. In college, my path still feels very undetermined and I just gloat depressed. Blogging, writing, dreaming, drawing are all things I love to do. Yet, I’m fearful to reveal to the world what I’ve been creating. And then I stopped planning for a while. I’m doing my best to come back and write out my mind. There was a part of my life that wondered what if I pursued my actual interests. To an outsider, it was obvious: my heart isn’t where I say it is. Either I need to...