Who We Are

I turned 20 years old recently. It's my second decade of life, and I am in that phase where I'm not a teenager, but not yet a full adult. I better change for the better before I become a full fledged adult on paper.

That being said, it’s time for self-reflection and resolution.

I've been not happy with what I've been doing. I've been having mini-breakdowns, sleep anxiety, and lethargic. Why is this? I suspect it's because I'm worried about the future. Whether I'd be happy in the future. In college, my path still feels very undetermined and I just gloat depressed.

Blogging, writing, dreaming, drawing are all things I love to do. Yet, I’m fearful to reveal to the world what I’ve been creating. And then I stopped planning for a while. I’m doing my best to come back and write out my mind. There was a part of my life that wondered what if I pursued my actual interests. To an outsider, it was obvious: my heart isn’t where I say it is. Either I need to change my perspective, my point of view, or I have to step away and find something I truly love doing.

I have become inactive—a follower instead of a leader. If I were a leader, I’ve been a terrible one because there’s just worrying in my head. Of course, it’s impossible to rid worries completely, but it shouldn’t be the main focus when being a leader. I want to be someone who can dedicate time to something they truly love despite all the hardships. I was watching “Walt Before Mickey”, and a part of me just knew, I’m missing the motivation and drive.

This fake demeanor I hold over my face is so fake, that I cannot even truly fathom the present me. In my head, instead of, “let’s do this.”, it’s “let get this over with”. The slight connotation change is somehow a little depressing and less motivating.

The takeaway is I think I’ll stop playing it safe. And not be afraid to look stupid, say stupid stuff, reveal my intentions, just be vulnerable... and be just me. If I don’t, nothing will ever pick up for me. I’ll be miserable, dwelling in regrets, self-disgrace, and with a lack of self love. After deciding to stop my crazy infatuation, I ran towards the idea of self love, something that to this day I’ve been working on. If I don’t love myself who is there to love me to the very end? I need to be confident and say I love myself. To those days where I can say I’m perfect because I took a good selfie, my hair fell down my shoulders perfectly, and my skin is clear is a start. I want to have mini celebration for every little accomplishment that is personal growth to me.

This year, I want to learn to put the emotions associated with my past completely behind me and gain motivation to do what I need to do happily and find that short-lived happiness I had when I was in love again. Hopefully when I turn 21, I’ve figured out the best confident me. I hope that you will also be who you truly are. We will all be who we really are! ٩(◦`꒳´◦)۶

好かれたくって 演じていたケド どこか違うって ずっと気づいていた Cause I... 実際 I'm not that kind of girl 絶対 I'm not that kind of girl Ohh... 答え出ないまま I couldn't sleep 「分かって」って言えないよね 一人きりで Down down down But もう The End So I'll let you know now Nobody gon’ rip Nobody gon’ tear Nobody gon’ break my heart ホントの Feelings ホントの Wishes 隠さなくていい We are, we are who we are We are, we are who we are Nobody gon’ change いつだって Who we are, who we are I love what I look like 認めて良いよね 本気で好きなら 抑えなくていい Anyway Don't care what you say about me Don't care what you say about me, no Cause’ if I let what you think take over me Then I wouldn't be I wouldn't be me ワタシらしくないなら 誰が「ワタシ」を生きるの？ Nobody gon rip Nobody gon tear Nobody gon break my heart ホントの Feelings ホントの Wishes 隠さなくていい We are, we are who we are We are, we are who we are Nobody gon change いつだって Who we are, who we are Nobody gon’ rip Nobody gon’ tear Nobody gon’ break my heart ホントの Feelings ホントの Wishes 隠さなくていい We are, we are who we are We are, we are who we are Nobody gon change いつだって Who we are, who we are If you love yourself And you don't care what they say 信じてみない? Baby, don't care what they say Cause it doesn't matter anyway, hey Nobody gon rip Nobody gon tear Nobody gon break my heart ホントの Feelings ホントの Wishes 隠さなくていい We are, we are who we are We are, we are who we are Nobody gon change いつだって Who we are, who we are

I’ve played a fake role, to be liked But I’ve always known that, it’s not right Cause I… In fact I’m not that kind of girl Definitely I’m not that kind of girl Ohh... Without an answer, I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t say “I know” By myself, Down down down But it’s The End So I’ll let you know now Nobody gon’ rip Nobody gon’ tear Nobody gon’ break my heart True feelings True Wishes You don’t have to hide We are, we are who we are We are, we are who we are Nobody gon’ change Forevermore Who we are, who we are I love what I look like It’s okay to admit that And if you truly love Don’t hold back, it’s fine Anyway Don’t care what you say about me Don’t care what you say about me, no Cause’ if I let what you think take over me Then I wouldn’t be I wouldn’t be me If I can’t live to be me Who’s going to replace me, as “me”? Nobody gon rip Nobody gon tear Nobody gon break my heart Real feelings Real Wishes You don’t have to hide We are, we are who we are We are, we are who we are Nobody gon change Forevermore Who we are, who we are Nobody gon’ rip Nobody gon’ tear Nobody gon’ break my heart True feelings True Wishes You don’t have to hide We are, we are who we are We are, we are who we are Nobody gon change Forevermore Who we are, who we are If you love yourself And you don’t care what they say Why not take the chance to believe? Baby, don’t care what they say Cause it doesn’t matter anyway, hey Nobody gon’ rip Nobody gon’ tear Nobody gon’ break my heart True Feelings True Wishes You don’t have to hide We are, we are who we are We are, we are who we are Nobody gon change Forevermore Who we are, who we are