Unsensed Clairvoyance

Finals are finally over. I'm so glad, yet a little scared that I didn't make the mark I had aimed for. Yet, now that I look around, it's already the holidays. December means the snuggling, the cuddling, hand-holding, and the affectionate mood is around. And yet again, I'm still single. #20yearsofsingle December is also the month of reflection, as we make resolutions for the new year. I so again start contemplating my life decisions. In terms of study: I do have some regrets with my major, but it's too late now. I still don't feel like I learned anything. But hopefully with my minor, I'll feel a little better about learning nothing in my major. In terms of friendships: I realized, it may not be a great idea to sever all my half-decent relationships. They are my friends for one or another reason. So, I started stringing them back together, since most of the people I cut didn't realize it anyways. (Well the reason why I cut them would be becaus

I watched “Love Rerun” last night. It’s a drama I relate to even if the lead is a decade older than me. I was in love with someone who only sees me in the sidelines and I idiotically draw it out even though I know there is no interest. Where this drama differs is that the same person is the person who "brings out the best of me", is the person who only sees me in the sidelines. And it only reaffirms my belief that someone who brings out my ambitious side, who loves, and who supports me while I’m also struggling is actual love. Although there’s a sense of fear and a predictable ending in the drama, I liked where the story went with this idea of love. It’s healthy and if worked out properly, will bring out a long relationship. If you feel your best, with enough effort, everything will be fine. Confidence is attractive, after all. To be honest, after I saw my first love again, I stopped being sure about my feelings being over. As I said, he's my first love, and tha

There's a sense of unbelonging that I've felt for a really long time. There's a part of me that is conditioned to be a certain way, and it hurts me in a certain way by affecting my mentality towards things. "Stand Out and Fit In" is something I've heard all too often. You gotta be the best, but you have to fall in the lines as well, and blend in and be humble. If you don't at least blend in, then you are a strange, insane outlier. I don't like blending in that much. Where's the personality in blending in? Where's the colors of life if I have to be molded to a certain standard? Yet, I continue down in the mold, hoping for moderate success, despite being half-scared to death from the adult Little Prince. I keep my artsy side a moderate secret. I hide the dream away, afraid of being judged. Being in an arts college versus STEM automatically subjects you to criticism for the future. Nobody wants to struggle and live paycheck to paycheck. S